When people ask me about my father, I have to start by asking, "Which one?" The stepfather I was technically raised by, Walter, was an enigma to say the least. A public high school science teacher with an equal love of quantum physics, lite beer, and mixed martial arts, he could best be described as "contradictory." He claimed to be a man of modern science and reason, but his library of arcane chemistry and ancient alchemy books painted a different picture of the man.
Let's just say Walter Buzzcock hated being pigeonholed, and the only thing he hated more than that was Jim Herman, the history teacher at his work who went on to become principal of Derry High (Go Wolves!).
Although my mother left Walt when I was five, returning with me to her hometown of Big Sur, California, he re-inserted himself into my life decades later in a way that could only be described as, "Wonkian".
It began with a large package delivered to my door in 2010, a year before the birth of our first daughter, Skye. But we'll get to that another time...
I know I'm being elliptical. Or as my wife Allison calls it, I'm "Samuel-Becketting" again. I think it's in my DNA.
As for my "real" father, he's the great riddle of my life that I gave up on solving decades ago. Probably for the best.
My mother, Deborah, met Walter at a very sensitive time in her life. A child of the 60's, her free spirit led her across the country from Big Sur, landing her in Philadelphia in the 70's. There, she had a brief encounter with a man she's only ever referred to as "The Trouble." Of course, "The Trouble" led to what she occasionally described as "The Mistake". Which would be, "Me."
Thankfully, The Trouble introduced my mom to what at the time must've felt like "The Solution". See, The Trouble had a close colleague named Walt. A secretive, eccentric fellow who happened to fall head over heels for my mom the second he laid eyes on her. Apparently she was a magnet for these types.
With a brand new life to take responsibility for other than her own, my mom was ready to give up her cage free existence and settle for good ol' American "normal". She convinced Walter to retire early from his fairly prestigious gig as head of R&D at a company specializing in crystal based healing technology. It was the 70's, go figure. The three of us then settled, briefly, in Walt's hometown of Derry, Indiana, where things did not go as planned.
As most of you know by now, my dad disappeared a few months ago after a chemical explosion at his school. Despite Skye's insistence otherwise, he is presumed dead. He left us with more questions than answers, and a strange family buisness to continue to run.
It's hard to believe now, but before he trained me to run the company, I wanted to be a filmmaker. In fact I did attempt to make make a film once, "The Bell's Toll" was it's working title. Unfortunately life got in the way and it never got off the ground. The Bell's Toll was to be the untold story of my grandfather, Corporal Wesley Varelse, a Signal Corp radio operator during WWII.
Although I was never able to bring that particular dream to fruition, my father's technology allowed me to see that where I failed..."Others" succeeded.
We're excited to continue to share our findings with you, our selected guests.
In Radiant Dictum!
Wylie Buzzcock, CEO, Crystore Inc.
I'm a bit anxious about launching the Tri-Bridge Initiative tomorrow night. This is an endeavor six years in the making, and I'm concerned about residual spatial and temporal side effects.
I am, however, extremely confident in our vetted selection of guests from Red Bridge. They have proven themselves to be dedicated, passionate, intelligent, and most importantly, deeply curious individuals.
Our experimental Wireless Fidelity Transponder Router has been discreetly and successfully downloaded into each of their mobile devices, laptops, and personal computers, allowing them to safely view the proceedings from the comfort of their own Bridge. They'll make an outstanding Society.
Our esteemed guests:
Orra Duckworth(wynn) Chzbacon
Argonaute Avenged7xShadow AtLaZTD
Husky Shaver Zeronaught
Starflyergirl HeyThereRobot Navy
H20_isnot_XYZ Swan(OraBorealis) Soopy
Pinklemonlies azurebirb Kookie
DoctorHoctor MakerIris elle30303
DrJones1935 CharlesB DaBeanMachine2
LH PunaniiQueen Darkhooterz
CourtneyKissMe KamenRiderBlue tubbo
Soldead Toastie Pchenneaus
Jay021 calcal AgoraSage
Dragonking Emfro ADutch (Miranes)
TitansMoon Melonfire hempmastaflash
DADp Beelzebabe MilkyMezu
A breakthrough! Walt's Chimerical Interdimensional Bridge Theory has been verified! Utilizing his proprietary transponder tech, we've tuned into not one, but two Para-Frequencies, which we are officially dubbing "Red Bridge" and "Green Bridge". While 99% of the data we're receiving from these neighbor-verses appears to be identical, we have detected the first anomaly. On Red Bridge, the subject (RedSkye) refuses to go down the slide.
While these two dimensions appear virtually indistinguishable from each other, our own dimension (which we've dubbed "Blue Bridge"), bears multiple striking differences. I feel we are the black sheep of this odd trifecta.
A breakthrough! Walt's Chimerical Interdimensional Bridge Theory has been verified! Utilizing his proprietary transponder tech, we've tuned into not one, but two Para-Frequencies, which we are officially dubbing "Green Bridge" and "Red Bridge". While 99% of the data we're receiving from these neighbor-verses appear to be identical, we have detected the first anomaly. On Green Bridge, the subject (GreenSkye) chooses to go down the slide.
There was a terrible accident a Walt's school today.
At 7:08 a.m. a chemical explosion rocked the science lab,
using dangerous chemicals.
Since passing the buisness onto me in 2010, he had continued to live a humble
She's always had a
special bond with her grandpa, a connection that transcends bloodlines. When they're together, the world
My concern is with her increasing obsession with this idea.
Progress on her CIBT Transporter is
civilian life in Derry.
around a campfire, banjo in hand, he'd sing us The Ballad of Old Joe. This local folk
leaving the entire building in ruins.
While I don't suspect foul play, I find it odd that Walt was conducting an experiment
hope that if Walt does return, he's in better shape than good
firmly believes that Walt is not dead, just lost. Shuffled in time and space.
returning to my fondest memory of Walter from my childhood. Sitting
unfolding exponentially, and she has a tendency to let her emotions
who isn't worried sick over the whole situation is Skye.
As odd as he is, Walter Buzzcock is a man of his word, and I
becomes electric. A firestorm of ideas, philosophies, equations and riddles.
song was recently made famous by folk legend Megan Slankard.
Thankfully, no students were present at the time.
It's the tale of Joe Henley, and the infamous 1907 mining explosion in Fontanet. I just
As we wait and pray for news of Walt's survival, I keep
inform the direction of her projects.
Ironically, Skye has the kind of relationship with Walt I had always dreamed of having as a kid. She
Interestingly, the only family member
believe he kept the promise he made to my mother all those years ago.
So far, authorities have not been able to identify any human remains, which has given our family a glimmer of hope.
Our most significant anomaly yet has been detected! A new subject on Red Bridge (FTHR-CLMN)
has shown significant influence across all three Bridges. Curiously, both Red and Green Bridge frequencies appear intertwined around him, and we cannot pinpoint his exact Bridge origin.
Our most significant anomaly yet has been detected! A new subject on Green Bridge
(FTHR-CLMN) has shown significant influence across all three Bridges. Curiously, both Red and Green Bridge frequencies appear intertwined around him, and we cannot pinpoint his exact Bridge origin.
Additional results from our research team confirm a CIBT Bio-Impression match here on Blue Bridge:
Indiana-based character actor Arye Bender.
Although she's not quite 4, Skye has been an active part of the CIBT Transponder data collection and analysis from day one. She's become deeply fixated on FTHR-CLMN. This morning she presented me with a sketch that blew my mind. She calls it her "Bridge Transporter", and is convinced it will one day allow her to meet FTHR-CLMN in person.
I'm not quite sure where her fixation with grandfather figures began. Just last week she asked Allison and I if she could change her last name to Varelse. Part of me always wished my mom had kept that maiden name after divorcing Walter. I can't tell you the amount of bullying I had to put up with in school. Daily chants of, "Welcome back, Mr. Buzzcock!" were followed by countless, humiliating wedgies.
I believe it's possible to honor both sides of our fractured family. I'd absolutely love for Skye to carry on my mother's family name, as well as Walter's creative legacy. Two sides of the same coin.
An extraordinary and perplexing discovery! The anomalies are being discovered at a higher rate, we're up to twelve now, each showing varying degrees of differences between Red & Green. However, comparison rates are still holding steady at 99.9% identical, a mathematical impossibility!
Even stranger, the anomaly signal origins are becoming indistinguishable
from each other. It's as if certain moments, places, and people are permanently entangled in multiple Bridges simultaneously. Skye has coined the term, "Cross-Stitch Inversion Bridge Threads" (CIBT's) to describe these moments of quantum entwinement.
My personal theory, and greatest fear, is that our own experimentation has somehow created these tangled threads, and that we may have opened up a Pandora's Box we can no longer close.
I feel we'll have some difficult re-threading to do in the near future.
The following is an excerpt from an interview with Allison Buzzcock in Time Magazine. March, 2020
You've publicly expressed concern in the past over your husband's use of what you once called "dubious technology". Care to elaborate?
Oh, absolutely! Imagine yourself in my position. It's February 2010, I'm an adjunct teacher at a community college in San Francisco. We're barely scraping by, living in a tiny two bedroom apartment. No kids yet, but we're trying to conceive.
Wylie was still attempting to become a filmmaker at that point, correct?
You could say that, attempting. His ambition has always been stronger than his abilities, which has been both a blessing and a curse in our relationship. Don't get me wrong, he get things done, but it's usually with an improvisational, emotionally driven approach, without much foresight or preparation. He's constantly jumping headfirst down these crazy rabbit holes, yet somehow manages to emerge safely every time. Skye takes after him, which concerns us both. It's the same headstrong ambition that convinced us to allow her to legally change her last name to Varelse, in honor of her great grandfather. Once she's committed to something, there's no stopping her.
Which brings us back to San Francisco, the year before she was born. The infamous Chalant-O-Meter.
Right. One day out of the blue we receive this enormous package from an Indiana P.O. box. We had absolutely no idea what it was. We both thought it was either a prank, or sent to the wrong address.
What made you decide to accept Walter Buzzcock's invitation to move to Indiana and take over Crystore, Inc.?
(laughs) It's complicated, but we really-
The following is an excerpt from an interview with Wylie Buzzcock in Forbes Magazine. April, 2020
Elon Musk called you, "The Willy Wonka of Tech." Most people interpreted that as an insult.
No, I wasn't insulted at all. He actually just mislabeled me. If anything, I'm the Charlie Buckett of Tech.
You both had pretty strange shoes to fill.
Like me, that kid was gifted not only a buisness, but a persona. Do you think the Oompa Loompa's would've given their time and energy to a kid as humble and reserved as Charlie? Hell no! And he knew it. I guarantee that kid put on the purple top hat and coat tails, and did his best to emulate Wonka's charisma. I can tell you from experience, it's exhausting.
Sounds like a bit of impostor syndrome.
I wouldn't say that, mostly because I'm surrounded daily by the real deal. Between Skye and her mother, this company might as well still be run by Walter Buzzcock himself.
Allison's Tri-Bridge Initiative has been controversial to say the least. I know your daughter has had a hand in developing the tech for it. Do you feel they're honoring your credo of W.W.W.D?
Given the direction his technology was heading before his disappearance, I think it's exactly what Walt would've done. Reaching out across dimensions to connect with others was his lifelong dream. Allison and Skye are just taking his dream to the next level. Introducing the dimensions to each other. Uniting them.
Where exactly do you fit in within this this whole operation?
(pauses) I'm just Upper Management.
The fruit of our loom. Are you fed up with dizzying yet ultimately mind expanding tears in the space time continuum? Worried about meeting your doppelganger and accidently eradicating all of existence? Have you even fed your pets and/or children in the last week?
Fret no more! Crystore, Inc. is honored to unveil our Chimeric Interdimensional Blanket Threader (C.I.B.T.)
Utilizing the latest advancements in Quantum String Threading, our cosmic loom will be able to re-seal all Bridge Tears on all known Bridges in the Sigma Quadrant and beyond (Zorch excluded).
Threading operations will commence as soon as Crystore security forces retrieve the recently stolen Bridge Transporter.
Any information leading to the capture, imprisonment, and/or neutering of the perpetrator will be met with a firm handshake, a slow golf clap, and as always, zero monetary remuneration.
Our newest member of the Crystore family.
Bear your crystals for our head of product research and development, Dr. Skye Varelse. PhD, PsyD, BFF.
Born in Grandview, Indiana in 2011, Skye was the first child recruit since exactly the 1950's to register an NC-Strata level of CHLNT.
Driven by an obsession to not only observe, but contact and interact with all Entities within the Sigma Quadrant and beyond, her lifelong dream is about to manifest!
For clarity, Upper Management has provided this helpful glossary of terms/products:
1.Chimerical Interdimensional Bridge Theory=C.I.B.T.
2.Chimeric Interdimensional Bridge Transponder=C.I.B.T.
3.Chimeric Interdimensional Bridge Transporter=C.I.B.T.
4.Chimeric IceCream Bio Transmitter=C.I.B.T.
5.Chimeric Interdimensional Bridge Tears=C.I.B.T.
6.Chimeric Interdimensional Blanket Threader=C.I.B.T.
7.Cross-Stitch Inversion Bridge Threads=C.I.B.T.
After two solid months of round the clock testing and analysis, Dr. Varelse's Chimeric Interdimensional Bridge Transporter (CIBT) is finally ready for it's first beta test.
Please join us tonight, 5/18/2020, at precisely 7 PM (PST) to participate in the test across all three bridges. As supplies are limited, Chimeric Interdimensional Bridge Transponders will be provided for viewing porpoises on a first come, first served basis.
In Radiant Dictum!
Don't tell my parents! I made a special device to help me find Grandpa Walt, but it won't function without your assistance. I call it my Camera Imaging Bridge-Flow Transmuter (CIBT). It's able to extract what I call "Bridge-Flow". This unique energy signature can only be derived from moments and objects infused with pure Divine Nonchalance. With the help of my device, this energy can now be extracted from mere photographs of said objects and moments!
For those of you on our esteemed guest list, I have been privately monitoring your NC-Strata levels since May 3rd, when most of you joined us for the first time. I'm happy to report you have all achieved NC-Strata level CHLNT! Your Bridge-Flow energy is at its peak, and I'll be departing soon, so we must act quickly. Using Absolute Discretion, please find pictures of moments and objects that best represent your personal manifestation of Bridge-Flow. You may also attach personal messages infused with Bridge-Flow. Send your pictures to Vladdog and await further instructions. I'm SO close close to finding him! Thanks in advance for your help!
We are deeply saddened to announce that the search for our former head of research and product development, Prof. "B", has been called off.
Retiring from Crystore, Inc. early to enjoy a simple, anonymous life as a public school teacher in his hometown of Derry Indiana, he continued his research into Chimerical Interdimensional Bridge Theory (CIBT).
Inventor of our patented Handheld Calcite Defibrillator, B-Diddy will be remembered for his unwavering dedication to science, his steadfast commitment to the occult, and his devastating spinning back elbow.
In his honor, we will be unveiling his penultimate and most illuminating product a full six months ahead of it's scheduled release.
Godspeed, Good Sir, perhaps we shall meet elsewhere.
The following is an excerpt from an interview with actor Arye Bender in People magazine. May 2020
But you were living in Philadelphia at the time Jejune was actively running it's operations. You can at least admit that.
Tell me, do you honestly believe that I could be starring in a production of Waiting For Godot at The Tower Theatre, while simultaneously running a New Age cult? It's absurd!
Frankly, you're well known for absurdity. The title of your autobiography is, "Don't believe my lies. They're all true."
Catchy, isn't it? It was either that or, "Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." My publicist swayed me towards the former, unfortunately. I will say this, Richard F. Grant's portrayal of the character on Tales From Elsewhere is stunning. You can tell when an actor is truly allowing a character to inhabit his body for a time. I've experienced it many, many times myself. You become a conduit. A vessel for whatever entity wishes to speak through you. Remarkable, really.
To be clear, you're saying definitively that you are not Octav-
It doesn't matter! Truly. An actor portrays Octavio Coleman. Octavio Coleman portrays an actor. It truly doesn't matter.
For you see...I am you.
I'd like to ask you about Crystore, Inc. You've been linked to it's incarnation in the 70's. Photos of you, Walter Buzzcock, and an unidentified young woman-
This interview's over! Stop the recording devices. Good day to you, sir.