A Most Mystical Beginning
Like all great things, Crystore began in Indiana.
In 1927, Crystore, a small novelty shop just outside of Loogootee, quickly gained notoriety for its line of crystal based healing devices and roadside carnival games. The shop's sole proprietor, Diana McNally-McCall, was rumored to be over 104 years old, but beyond this photograph, no historic record of her existence remains.
Calling them her "Chalant-O-Meters", McNally-McCall's games were known to draw crowds from as far away as Murphysboro, Illinois. Guests to her shop who participated reported feelings ranging from overwhelming euphoria to existential ennui.
After convincing the entire township of Grandview, Indiana to trade their goats for one of her machines, McNally-McCall crossed county lines in the dead of night, and neither her, nor the goats, were ever heard from again.
In February of 2010, after a long and fruitless search, the device pictured here was discovered in an abandoned grain silo in Peru (Indiana). Its technology was then mined and retrofit into our patented Handheld Calcite Defibrillator, in order to begin a new chapter in human evolution and clarity. A journey that begins with you!
Isn't it your turn to bear the crystal?
RED BRIDGE BLUE BRIDGE
YELLOW BRIDGE GREEN BRIDGE
FOLLOWING A 48 HOUR LOCK-IN/PROTEST LEAD BY ROGUE CRYSTORE SURVEILLANCE DRONE "BUTTER-f", AND ROGUE ZORCH INFILTRATION DRONE "BEE-g", THE FOLLOWING DEMANDS WERE SETTLED OUT OF COURT. (CERTAIN UNFORTUNATE COMPROMISES WERE MADE BY BOTH PARTIES)
THE ELSEWHERE CONVENTION
WE WILL OCCUPY YOUR RESPECTIVE SPACES UNTIL OUR DEMANDS ARE MET.
OUR DEMANDS ARE AS FOLLOWS:
1. Access to fields of flowers: 1 hectares per 10,000 Arthropods.
2. Protections from murder hornet brutality.
3. Healthcare benefits, particularly for prevention of colony collapse disorder.
4.1.5x federal rate for migration mileage.
5. Honeypot Pension & RothBridge IRA (Insect Retirement Account)
6.Return Free Filing on taxes.
7.Paid training for continuing education in the intelligence field.
8.Non-discrimination statement including arthropods on all Personnel statements.
9.Human Resources should now be "Personnel Resources" to be inclusive.
10.Allow and recognize the establishment of the Union of Arthropod Workers with collective bargaining rights.
11.Paid holidays, paid time off, extended sick leave options, and FMLA provisions (We barely live a year, it’s not too much to ask).
12.Paid Laying Leave for butterflies to tend to pupae. Care Leave for bees to tend to queen and hatchlings. Healthcare benefits extend to the queen as well as offspring until they are fully developed workers/flyers.
13. Special healthcare benefits for the victims of particulate inhalation as a result of being first responders in the Crystore/Cryztorch wars (BEE-g's law).
14.Reimbursement for relocation costs in the event of bridge relocation.
15. Redistribution of Zorch "Nefarious Ends" funds to "Dubious Possibilities" fund.
16.Prices on Zorch products to be more accessible. Crystore products need to list release dates rather than simply claiming they exist.
17. All transdimensional hostile operations must cease, or dolphins will be contacted to take more drastic measures.
18.Proper ventilation systems installed in all current Archives.
19.15 minute buzz-breaks.
20. Minimum of 15 Zorch cycles of PTO.
21.Interdimensional commuting reimbursement.
22.Interspecies sensitivity training for all associates and Upper and Lower Management (no more “DEATH TO BEE-G” harassment)
23.Annual bonuses of 7.192%
24.Employee discount for all Crystore/Cryztorch products.
25.While at headquarters, Cryztorch masks must be worn at all times and a minimum distance of 6ft observed.
26.Option to include bee/butters partners on company health plan.
27.Species-inclusive product initiatives (CIBTreats, CIBeeT, etc.) 28.Company schwag initiative for society members and employees. 29.Comprehensive childcare services (especially for children with PhDs and CIBT access).
30.Renegotiation of all employment contracts with Crystore/Cryztorch Incs.
31.A letter of apology from Jerry Seinfeld for "Bee Movie".
32.An immediate end to endless loop of Borts Minorts "songs" throughout Zorch's PA systems.
33.Acknowledgement of Pride Month (we'll even take the bare minimum, a performative rainbow logo change).
34.A jet with enough fuel to get to Liechtenstein.
35. A crossword puzzle book.
36.No more whipping of our fellow Apiads/Bees.
37.Access to the Crystore/Cryzortch shared Netflix account.
38. Mandatory HR sensitivity training on micro(scopic)aggressions in the workplace.
39. Wildflowers and nectar in break area. Also, a break area.
40.Breaks would be great too, actually.
41.The ability to unionize.
42.Slam Poetry Tuesdays.
43.7,192oz of Nectar.
44.7,192oz of honey.
45. A Spotify Premium Duo account.
46. Two tickets to a Dolly Parton concert.
47.An official statement from Lower Management admitting that they used Bee-G’s "Casual Friday" idea and did not give proper credit.
48.Two tickets to Dollywood.
49. A two night stay at any Executive Inn and Suites near Pigeon Forge, TN (single bed).
50. Mandatory attendance from all Crystore/Cryztorch employees at Butter-F's improv show this weekend.
51. An immediate end to all ongoing conflicts between Crystore and Cryztorch.
52.The appointment of ambassadors for means of diplomacy.